I need to preface this by saying, it took me 12 years before I actually got around to watching these movies. For a long time I had wondered if the hype was legit or those who had seen it were all talk. Then one winter evening after being at an NY Islanders game I decided to give it a try. Surprisingly (or maybe not if you know me well enough) I wasn't disappointed in the amount of disgust I had or the overall execution of the film. Honestly, that's what makes it entertaining! Let's dive in to The Human Centipede, First Sequence...
Now, this movie starts pretty much like any other cult horror classic. Two girls are on a road trip and their car breaks down in the middle of nowhere and need help. The issue here is, they're American girls on road trip in Germany. Luckily they find a secluded house and attempt to get some help so that they can be on their merry way. NOT. SO. FAST. The homeowner is one, Dr. Heiter, who is played by the creepiest man I have ever encountered on screen in my entire 35 years, Dieter Laser. Even his name is bone chilling. Maybe it's the intensity of his eye bulging, or his very gaunt features but I wouldn't have walked one foot inside that house once I saw his face. Of course though, they do one worse and accept water from this man! I'm sorry, but how do you not expect to get roofied from a stranger, in a country you know nothing about. The house is secluded for Christ's sake!
Worse becomes worse and they wake up in the basement tied to gurneys. To them (and the viewer) it appears to be a hospital room and they're dressed in hospital gowns noticing another body is with them. This fortunate truck driver gets killed on the spot for not "being a match". I say fortunate because, um, yea. Dr. Heiter gets another unwilling participant and explains to the group that although he is a world-renowned expert at separating conjoined twins his dream is to be able to join bodies together by one digestive system. Pretty sure if you haven't seen the film, you know where this is going.
After the operation is complete, Dr. Heiter starts to train his centipede as a pet. Now they're all naked except for bandages, legit sewn together ASS TO MOUTH. Guess what - pets need to eat! Now the male portion, Katsuro, of this centipede is the front end. He does the eating and well eventually will need to shit it out. Again, for lack of details this becomes a vicious cycle and of course the middle participant, Lindsay, is in a catch-22. Not only eating by way of butthole but then also feeding the end participant, Jenny, the same way. Wow, never thought I'd utter or type these few lines in my life haha. I can't help but say fortunately when these poor souls are offed because they will be in a way better place. Jenny ends up getting blood poisoning from the surgery that gets progressively worse and ends up dying. Not before Katsuro admits that he accepts this as his fate and slashes his own neck with a piece of glass. Poor Lindsay is now stuck in the middle with no one to save her as the detectives (one of which was going to be a replacement for Jenny had he been a match) who came to the house and Dr. Heiter are all dead.
HOLY SHIT! Literally! As gross as this movie is portrayed to be, I was pretty okay with it. Probably because we didn't have to actually see any of the digestion process even though it is highly insinuated. Like I said earlier I felt Dieter Laser was by far the scariest part of it all which made the film for me. I did hate however, Katsuro screaming the ENTIRE movie. Like dude yes you're not in the most awesome of predicaments, but clearly you're stuck. STFU! Now - it's a given that Lisa didn't want to see this movie and I really don't blame her. I did however get my bestie, Crystal (host of The Rebel Healer Podcast), to watch it with me. Talk about a great sport!!! Only downside, she refused to watch the second sequence with me. But never fear! I watched it on my own and I have plenty of comments for that one. Be sure to look out for that post if you enjoyed my rant about this one!
DMDb Rating:
3 Stabs - Entertaining, Yet Ridiculous
How many 'Stabby Stabs' would you give this movie?
- 0%1 (Who would watch this voluntarily?)
- 0%2-3 (Entertaining, yet ridiculous)
- 0%4-5 (How has this not won awards?!)
- 0%0 (Never saw it, but loved the recap)
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