Now I've never been the biggest fan of Christmas, so it seemed appropriate for me to cover a movie that is the exact opposite of 'jolly'! Just when everyone thought The Grinch was the main villain of the Christmas season, Krampus comes in guns blazing - amongst other things! Very surprising that I myself have not evoked the being that is Krampus for all these years!
Right off the bat we're dealing with the chaos that is holiday shopping. Tons of people swarming a department store, which is very reminiscent of a Sears or JCPenney from the 90s, easily gave me anxiety. People screaming, kids whining and crying. All should be worth it in the end though you'd think? Our introduction to the main characters comes with Max getting into a fight with another kid over the realness of Santa. They are performing a holiday play...in the middle of the store?! Anyways, they get home to grandma, Omi, slaving away in the kitchen making cookies only for her son Tommy, played by the always funny Adam Scott, to tell her that his wife Sarah (Toni Collette, one of my top favorite actresses) bought cookies and she shouldn't work to hard. I personally would have spit on all the cookies and said fuck it! And why couldn't Omi go watch Max in the play?! In the words of Stephanie Tanner, how rude!
Clearly this family is already not in the mood for Christmas, except Max, who adorably helps out his grandma and wishes that the season could be like it used to be. Don't we all kid. Sarah's sister and family are coming for a few days and they are basically a walking migraine. They surprise Sarah with their Aunt Dorothy (Conchata Farrell, RIP) who I would say is the rudest of the clan, but Howard takes the cake. You would think sitting down to a nice home cooked meal would be rewarding but that's not the case. Everyone starts bitching and moaning about what's been served and even diminish the talent of Sarah and her creme brulee. All the while the kids get a hold of Max's letter to Santa which ends up being a total disaster!!! In his wish to have his family's Christmas be like it had always been, he didn't spare any details regarding some of his family members - specifically his cousins. Not gonna lie, he was pretty spot on in saying his Uncle Howard definitely wanted his daughters to be boys. They are butchier than butch and look like they will kill you with a stare alone.
This creates mass chaos as Max runs up to his room, understandably upset. He rips up his letter to Santa and this was the key to evoking Krampus and his minions (more on them later). Beth is bored to tears and asks if she can go to her boyfriend's house. Not exactly the best idea as it looks like a legit super snow storm outside and no one has power, but to each is own. Once she makes it to his house she notices what looks to be Santa on the roof - just way more beastly. As she starts to run she hides under a truck and notices the hooves and that clearly we're dealing with something worse than a scary Santa. As more time passes and she doesn't come home, Tommy and Howard take his truck to go looking for her. At home, it's obvious that Omi knows what's going on and insists that the fireplace stay on at all times. Smart woman!
Now I don't want to bore you with much more of the plot as it spirals out of control and is mostly just a fight to the finish. We do get the backstory to the history of Krampus through the experience of Omi though. This reenactment of her childhood made me really sad. I guess it's good we have her expertise on the subject at hand all these years later! The house becomes infested (yes, I'm using that word to describe this) with the minions of Krampus. These things are the most terrifying part of the movie. We have a clown that ingests Jordan in the attic. The size of the mouth and teeth on this thing, can really put Pennywise to shame. The "teddy" bear is pretty scary but nothing worse than what you see during Five Nights at Freddy's.
The angel! This devilish angel with pigtails is THE WORST, and that's coming from me who hates clowns. This thing legit lunges, flies, and attacks you so unexpectedly while cackling. It happens several times that after the first time I would have had a bludgeoning object ready to go no matter what.
My absolute favorite part of this movie was the cute gingerbread
men who were on the attack! As most of the family is in the attic attacking the other creatures, Howard is in the kitchen getting hounded by the most adorable serial killers of all time. I mean yeah, they're evil but their little voices and mannerisms were perfect! Rosie does manage to save Howard from the last little guy by catching him from mid air and devouring him.
At this point of the movie everyone has weapons, including Aunt Dorothy. As annoying as she may be she sure knows how to use 'em. When everyone thinks that they've conquered the beasts at hand, Krampus' elves come pillaging through the window and grab Aunt Dorothy immediately. Much to my surprise, the elves aren't as scary. They reminded me of Jim Henson characters (very Labyrinth-esque). Everyone runs out trying to retrieve her and Omi stays back. She's come face to face with him once before and is willing to do it again to save the family. Tommy doesn't understand this but Max does and insists he lets Omi stay. Outside it seems that all of Krampus' conquests have been turned to snowmen (perfectly erected I might add) while Omi puts out the fire and awaits the beast himself.
Max and Stevie come head to head with the elves and try their best to escape but get captured and brought back to their sacrificing grounds? I mean that seems to be the best way to describe it. A portal to hell if you will. Stevie is about to get thrown in when Max pleads that he should be the one to take her place. Krampus ain't havin' it. You think at first he's going to agree, but then hands Max his ripped up letter wrapped around the ornament like object, similar to the one Omi got as a child, only proving that was the reason he's here in the first place. As Max is about to get thrown in himself, he pleads that he just wishes that Christmas could be like it used to.
Max wakes up the next morning thinking it was all a bad dream. He goes downstairs noticing he was the last one to wake up and everyone is being very civil waiting on him to open presents. He sits between Tommy and Sarah and is relieved that the ordeal he thought had happened is now over. When given his first gift he opens it up and it's the ornament from Krampus. Everyone notices and gives a look of dread making it seem that it did, in fact, happen and they're remembering everything that took place. The camera pans away to show their home is in a snow globe kept by Krampus along with a lot of others he's collected.
What a rollercoaster!! Definitely a great alternative to classic Christmas films. Now, I haven't seen any of the Krampus movies but I am intrigued by Mother Krampus, which I saw while scrolling through Tubi. If anyone has seen it or the others, feel free to recommend!
DMDb rating:
4 Stabs - A lot of fun, great depiction of the folklore!
How many 'Stabby Stabs' would you give this movie?
- 1 (Who would watch this voluntarily?)
- 2-3 (Entertaining, yet ridiculous)
- 4-5 (How has this not won awards?!)
- 0 (Never saw it, but loved the recap)
Comments